Today's jokes [11.17.07]

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A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook
saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he
cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and
ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the
cooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."

One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf.
But he couldn't, since it was Sunday. But he
figured, well, it's ok if i just play a little bit.
So he changed clothes and went out into the green.
Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to
Jesus. However, Jesus didn't do anything when he
told him. 
"Aren't you going to punish him?" he asked Jesus. 
"Yes, just wait." he replied.
Just then the pope hit a beautiful hole in one.
"Well, that's not a punishment!" the angel said in disgust.
"Who is he going to tell?"

    Speaking of spelling, here's a news bulletin ........
   The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
   English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
   which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
   Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
   improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be
   known as "EuroEnglish."
   In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c" . . . Sertainly, this
   will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
   dropped in favor of the "k." This should klear up konfusion and
   keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
   There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
   troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f." This will make words
   like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
   In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
   to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
   Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
   always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
   horible mess of the silent "e's" in the language is disgraseful, and
   they should go away.
   By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
   with "z" and the "w" with "v."
   During the fifz yar, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
   kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
   kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yar, ve vil hav a realy sensibl
   vriten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evryvun vil
   find it easy tu understand each ozer.
   ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

   But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding ? A
   husband controls his wife in much the same manner as a barometer
   controls the weather.

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