Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult position
yesterday. While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo) with a
group of thespians from St. Petersburg, Russia, Demuth went overboard to
show them one of America's many marvels. He demonstrated the
effectiveness of "Crazy Glue" ... the hard way.
Apparently, Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was,
so he put about 3 ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and
jokingly placed them on the buttocks of a passing rhino.
The rhino, a resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit since its
arrival as a baby. However, once it became aware of its being
involuntarily stuck to Demuth, it began to panic and ran around the
petting area wildly making Demuth an unintended passenger.
"Sally (the rhino) hasn't been feeling well lately. She had been very
constipated. We had just given her a laxative and some depressants to
relax her bowels, when Demuth played his juvenile prank," said James
During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored,
and a number of small animals escaped. Also, during the stampede, three
pygmy goats and one duck were stomped to death. As for Demuth, it took a
team of medics and zoo caretakers over four hours to remove his hands from
the rhino's buttocks.
First, the animal had to be captured and calmed down. However, during
this process the laxatives began to take hold and Demuth was repeatedly
showered with over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.
"It was tricky. We had to calm her down, while at the same time shield
our faces from being pelted with rhino dung. I guess you could say that
Demuth was into it up to his neck.
Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels working to
keep an air passage open for Mr. Demuth. We were able to tranquilize her
and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her rear," said Douglass.
"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while."
Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were impressed with
the power of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for my children, but of
course they can't take it to the zoo," commented Vladimir Zolnikov,
leader of the troupe.
So you think you're computer-illiterate?
Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by
Jim Carlton --
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key
is. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that
the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the
problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then
rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back
in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold
on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the
room to close the door to his room.
Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in
front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell
tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of
friends,"the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store,
the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of
Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys
and washing them individually.
A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The
tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power
button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's
Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in,
and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When
asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What
A true story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam
for his graduate students. It had one question:
"Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some
If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what
rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I
think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you
are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there
are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay
the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay
So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase
until all hell breaks loose.
Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell
It was not revealed what grade the student got.
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