"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the
full effect of alphabet soup?" 

John Mendosa.

I knew a tattoo artist whose wife left him because he had designs on other women. 

     -Joey Adams 

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely
       inspired book that is admirably suited to the spiritual needs of
       his neighbour.

Beakman: We have learned that mosquitoes are twice as attracted
to the color blue as to other colors.

Lester:  That's why Smurfs are always walking around scratching
themselves.
                                 -- "Beakman's World"

The Schizophrenic: an unauthorized autobiography