There was a young vampire called Mabel
Whose periods were very unstable.
One night by the moon,
She pulled out a spoon
And drank herself under the table. 

               There once was a man from Rangoon 
               Who was born 9 months too soon. 
                    He didn't have the luck 
                    To be born by a fuck; 
               He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon. 

There was a young fellow named Goff 
            Whose amusement was jacking it off 
                He pulled it so hard 
                It stretched out a yard. 
            And turned to bright blue and fell off.

A nymphomaniacal nurse 
            With a curse that was worse than perverse 
                Stuck a rotary drill 
                Up her twat, for a thrill--- 
            And they carted her off in a hearse. 

               A maiden sat under a tree 
               And played with the lad's fiddle-dee, 
                    His little wood post--- 
                    Soon her jewel is lost 
               From the casket where it used to be.