Said an old lady called Mary Tabott,
"I wish I had teeth in my twat.
For just think" said she,
"how nice it would be
To keep all the pricks that I got." 

            There once was a woman from York 
            Who used to eat shit with a fork. 
                Her son said, "You goon, 
                You eat shit with a spoon. 
            It`s pork that you eat with a fork." 

There was an old hag named Le Sueur 
            Who just was an out-and-out whore. 
                Between her big tits 
                You could come for two bits, 
            And she'd fuck in any old sewer. 

He laid her on the table
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide... he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...

And then he stuffed the turkey.

A lady on climbing Mount Shasta
Complained as the mountain grew vaster,
That it wasn't the climb
Nor the dirt nor the grime
But the ice on her ass that harassed her.