There was an old man of Madrid 
            Who went to an auction to bid. 
                In the first lot they sold 
                Was an ancient commode--- 
            And, my God, when they lifted the lid! 

                    You've heard of the Duchess of York,
                            
                    She's twice been blessed by the stork.
                            The Duke will fuck
                            Naught else but a duck,
                            
                    While the Duchess she frequents the park.
                            
                                              

               There was an old soldier named Schmitt 
               Took a trip to the can for to shit. 
                    To his epic despair 
                    No paper was there. 
               So he simply continued to sit. 

There was a young girl named Dalrymple 
               Whose sexual needs were so simple. 
                    She enjoyed the full spasm 
                    Of a perfect orgasm 
               By frigging herself on a pimple. 

A gardener named Kenneth McDeare
Likes plants more than women, we fear.
"He's hardly perennial."
Say folks who know Kenny well.
"He only comes up once a year"