There was an old man of Madrid
Who went to an auction to bid.
In the first lot they sold
Was an ancient commode---
And, my God, when they lifted the lid!
You've heard of the Duchess of York,
She's twice been blessed by the stork.
The Duke will fuck
Naught else but a duck,
While the Duchess she frequents the park.
There was an old soldier named Schmitt
Took a trip to the can for to shit.
To his epic despair
No paper was there.
So he simply continued to sit.
There was a young girl named Dalrymple
Whose sexual needs were so simple.
She enjoyed the full spasm
Of a perfect orgasm
By frigging herself on a pimple.
A gardener named Kenneth McDeare
Likes plants more than women, we fear.
"He's hardly perennial."
Say folks who know Kenny well.
"He only comes up once a year"
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