Brian is an idiot!
 And everybody knows
 When he goes to bed at night
 He puts polish on his toes

 Brian is so stupid
 He sucks himself all day
 And when I went to a farm once
 And saw him eating hay

 Brian is a numbskull
 He loves a girl named Jade
 And he wanted her to kiss him so much
 Once he even paid

There was a young lady named Clair
Who possessed a magnificent pair.
Or at least so I thought,
Till I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and began losing air.

               There was a young Scot in Madrid 
               Who got fifty-five fucks for a quid. 
                    When they said, "Are you faint?" 
                    He replied, "No, I ain't, 
               But I don't feel as good as I did." 

                    There was a young man named Sweeny
                            
                    Who spilt some gin on his weenie,
                            So just to be couth,
                            He added vermouth
                            
                    And slipped his girl a martini.
                            

Our vicar's an absolute lamb;
But when he sat dawn in a jam
On taking his seat
At our sunday school treat
We all heard the poor man say:...
 "... Stand up, please, while I say grace !"