A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle 
range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills 
behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go 
and shoot myself."
The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"

Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
A: It did $100 million worth of improvements.

for you girls...

Why is 88 better than 69?

You get 8 twice.

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by
the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."

"Oh?  And what does your father do?"

"He's in the Army, sir."

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not 
gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only 
yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging 
her to get back into the world. 

Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for 
you to meet."   Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one 
another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him 
for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. 

One room and the normal follow up to that.  Their first night 
there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude 
except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. 
Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"

She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to 
explore, but down there I am still in mourning," He knows he's 
not getting lucky that night. The following night the same 
scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he 
in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he 
has a black condom. 

She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black 
condom?"

He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences."