Today's jokes [1.28.07]

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One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below 
sea level.  He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he 
had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a 
few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes 
later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he 
took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck 
are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had 
written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

Death row sing along

There was an inmate on death row, and he was scheduled to be put to death 
by firing squad the next morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards 
were being very nice to him.
But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, 
he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something 
special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.
Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he 
wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. "No," the inmate said, "just get it 
over with." 
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the 
guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I 
would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time 
through, with no interruptions." The guard nodded and told him to go 
ahead.
The inmate started..."One million bottles of beer on the wall......!"

If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that 
there is an exception to every rule.
If we accept "For every rule there is an exception" as a rule, then we 
must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule 
states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow 
it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception to
the rule that for every rule there is an exception. 

   Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer.
   
   One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her,
   "The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our
   cows today. I drove a big nail into the two-by-four over the cow's
   stall. You show him where it is."
   
   The farmer leaves, and a while later, the artificial insemination man
   arrives. Amy takes him down the rows of cows until she sees the nail.
   
   She says, "This is the one, right here."
   
   The man says, "How do you know?"
   
   Amy says, "By the nail over its stall."
   
   The man says, "What's the nail for?"
   
   Amy says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
   

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the
 doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the
 first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor
 replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say
 something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it
 again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her
 deafness".

 Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He
 starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping
 some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response.
 He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet
 closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about
 an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

 She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

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