Today's jokes [1.25.07]

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What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
                    He wanted to know who the other man was... 

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?


                                         The Captain's log.

Q: What's the smartest thing that ever came out of a woman's mouth?
A: Einstein's dick.

So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail 
in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He 
unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up 
this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down 
nails away, that his friend came over. "Eh, what you doing? How come 
you're throwing away all those nails?" he asked. "Because they're upside 
down," the friend replied. The other guy looks at the friend, then, after 
some thought, says, "You Idiot, save them for the ceiling!"

From one of Tom Clancy's books:
Commanding officer:  "Alright! How about an attitude check???" 
Crew (In Unison): "I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" 

CO: "Now, let's be more positive..." 
Crew: "I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" 

CO: "OK, How about a negative attitde check..." 
Crew: "I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!" 

CO: "OK, How about a short attitude check ..?" 
Crew: "FUCK THIS PLACE!"

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