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Today's jokes [1.17.07]

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An old man and woman were married for years even though 
they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, 
screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A 
constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the 
man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the 
grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible 
for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He 
was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral 
had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to 
the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. 

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her 
neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are 
you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who 
practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig 
his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for 
the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig. 
I had him buried upside down."

1.   Vote:    Category: Marriage and Relationships Send this joke to a friend

And now, from our favourite fairy-tales....

Why does Peter Pan Fly?

You'd fly to if you got hit in the peter with a pan.

2.   Vote:    Category: Books Send this joke to a friend

English: This is your Captain speaking, we have leveled off and are 
cruising at flight level three five zero, feel free to move about the 
cabin, also the First Officer has turned off the no smoking sign, the 
flight attendants will be serving cocktails and refreshments momentarily, 
so just sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight, we'll be arriving at
our destination in 20 minutes, and I expect no delays. Enjoy the rest of 
your flight. 

Ebonics: Ebonia Airlines Dis be yo' main man, we be chillin at tray-five 
-o, if you be flexin get up off yo ass and shake that thang, my homey be 
killin the man's opression if you wanna smoke chronic, just hang loose 
blood, them bitches be cruizin on up with some forty-ounce 8-ball, so stop 
trippin and sit your ass back down, we be in the hood in no time afterall, 
i be bumpin switches all da' way. Peace out!

3.   Vote:    Category: Ethnic Send this joke to a friend

What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off? 

     Spit, swallow and gargle. 

4.   Vote:    Category: Sex Send this joke to a friend

   After insulting the female genie from the magic bottle, Carlos makes
   his wish:
   "To wake up with 3 women in my bed."
   She says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.
   The next morning, Carlos wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding
   and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken and he has
   no health insurance.

5.   Vote:    Category: Marriage and Relationships Send this joke to a friend

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