Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.

A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road.
A woman was driving down the same road. 
As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the
window and yelled, "Pig!" 
The man immediately leaned out his window and replied,
"Bitch!" 
They continue on their way and as the man rounded the
next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the
road.

 A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.  The little 
 boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,
 I  bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

 The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't.  It's too
 wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

 The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair
 spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board.  Then
 he puts the worm back into the hole.

 The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and 
 runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and 
 hands the little boy another five dollars.

 The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

 The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

+------------------------------------------------------------------------
 On their first night together, the newly weds decided to set up signals
 concerning their "urges".

 The lady said "If you want it, squeeze my BOOB once, if you don't want it,
 squeeze my BOOB twice."

 The gent said "OK, if you want it, pull my DONG once, if you don't want it,
 pull my DONG 48 times."

Q: What's the hardest thing about eating shaved pussy?
A: Putting the diaper back on.

   Want some chicken?

   A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running
   along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with
   him because he was doing 50 MPH.
   He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He
   speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed
   the
   chicken had three legs.
   So, he followed to chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got
   out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked
   the farmer "What's up with these chickens?"
   The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three
   legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how
   they tasted.
   The farmer said "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."