A nun is walking down the street, when suddenly a punk jumps out of the
bushes and hits her over the head, proceeds to kick her in the groin and
break her nose with a massive left hook. As the nun is lying bleeding on
the floor, the guy looks down and says:
You're getting slow in your old age, Batman.

Q: How do you give a woman an orgasm?
A: Who Cares!

Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?
A: To smell like big girls.

An actual mailing:

Greetings, 
You have just received the "IRISH VIRUS". 
As we don't have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor 
system. 
Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this 
virus to everyone on your mailing list. 
Thank you for your cooperation.

For me, penises are a hobby ... kinda like fishing ... The small ones you 
throw back, The good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and The big ones 
you mount."