Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting 
on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of 
fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection 
with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny 
asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?"
His father qiuckly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", 
to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse? 

     Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips! 

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a
costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out
a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."

She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."

She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your
shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George
Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient
and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that
you are always busy.

Three girls died and were brought to the gates of
heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted
by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you
must answer this simple question." "Which is ...?",
they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl?",
he asked the first girl.

"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got
married and was still virgin even after I got married."
"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...
the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.

"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I
got married but was not after I got married." "Very good",
said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.
"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with
every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere,
anytime."

"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...
my room key."