An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be attacked
by killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge,
he leapt into the river - and was devoured by piranha fish.

It is well documented that for every mile that you
jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you
at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a
nursing home at $5000 per month.

I was recently in my local pub in Scotland, and it was pretty quiet.
There were several people sitting at the bar with me, and the bar-lady
was reading a paper.

She looked at me, puzzled, and said "John, you do crosswords, don't
you?"
"Yes," I replied, truthfully.
"I've got one here - 'Stranded, as on a desert island', 10 letters, and
the first is 'M'.  Any ideas?"
"Marooned," I said.
The other customers shouted out their orders: "A whusky," "a pint o'
heavy", etc, etc.

Delighted at this display of humour, I refused to pay for a drop.