Zoo sperm bank worker Mohd. Binatang bin Goncang wins "Worst Job in
Singapore".

Wildlife Reserves Singapore (WRS), which runs the Singapore Zoo,has set
up a bank of sperm and animal tissue in order to help preserve species.

The thankless task of collecting the sperm falls to Mr.  Binatang's,
starting his rounds at 4 a.m. "We start so early in the morning because
a lot of the animals have 'morning glory' when they wake up, and it's
easier to collect the sperm.

Wearing rubber gloves and carrying a cooler box filled with ice and
tupperware, Mr. Binatang, 25, told us that he'd just graduated from
Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in life sciences. He liked nature
and animals, and thought that the Singapore Zoo would be the perfect
place to work.

"I never thought I'd be giving an orang-utan a hand job every morning,"
he said somewhat ruefully. "And he is the worst, he expects to be kissed 
first. "As we approached the orang-utan enclosure, we saw the Zoo's most 
famous resident lying casually on his back, hands behind his head, and
sporting a huge erection.

Applying the massage oil onto his gloves, he lingered outside the
enclosure before entering and knelt before the orange beast. About 2
minutes' worth of squelching noises could be heard before Mr.Binatang
emerged again.

Next the tiger enclosure, the big cats were sprawled lazily on the grass
verge, in a somewhat half-hearted manner as he put on a fresh set of 
gloves and entered the enclosure.  "Here, kitty, kitty,kitty..."

Moments later, he emerged with several tupperware full of viscous 
fluid.

"Isn't it dangerous?" we asked.

Mr. Binatang was silent for a while.

"They know I'm not there as an enemy," he finally said, a glazed,
faraway look in his eyes.

Worked his way round the zoo, finished his rounds at 3 pm in the
afternoon. Carrying out his duties with the tapirs, the rhinoceros,
giraffe and the gorillas, amongst others.  "Each animal is different,"
he said, removing his gloves, now speckled with traces of polar bear
spunk.

"The chimpanzees always want to be hugged afterwards. The elephant is
the most tricky because of the size of its thing... sometimes I have to
use both my arms to tug on it." "As you can expect it's really 
affecting my sex life.

I can't help it. Each time my wife initiates sex, these ejaculating
hippos keep floating through my mind."

How long will he stay difficult to know, but deputy assistant director
Lai Jee Seow thinks it is important to continue.

"It's because the animals have gotten too used to Binatang coming over
every morning to pull them off," said "Many of them now can't be
bothered to engage in real sex."

In Melbourne (Australia) one of the radio stations paid money, $100 to
$500, for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. This morning's
one netted the proud owner $300.

As the lady said...I was due later that week for an appointment with the
gynecologist, when early one morning I received a call from his office 
that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30 a.m. I had only 
just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 
already. The trip to his office usually took about thirty five minutes, so 
I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do I'm sure, I like to take 
a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time 
I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, 
threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in 
"that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I 
was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some 
clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the 
waiting room only a few minutes when he called me in. Knowing the 
procedure, as I'm sure you all do, I hopped up on the table, looked over 
at the other side of the room and pretended I was in Hawaii or some other 
place a million miles away from here. I was a little surprised when he 
said, "My... we have taken a little extra effort this morning, haven't 
we?", but I didn't respond. The appointment over, I heaved a sigh of 
relief and went home. The rest of the day went as normal, some shopping, 
cleaning, the evening meal, etc. At 8:30 that evening my 18 year old 
daughter was fixing to go to a school dance, when she called down from the 
bathroom, "Mom - where's my washcloth?" I called back for her to get 
another from the cabinet. She called back, "No - I need the one that was 
here by the sink - It had all my glitter and sparkles in it".

Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival
in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no bull
was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored in
the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one bull
against [a town of] a thousand morons."