This one lady was telling the judge how her husband was 
abusive to her on several occasions and how fearful she was for 
her life.  She was seeking a restraining order.  The judge 
granted the order.  The bailiff asked if she needed an escort to 
her car, since her husband was in the courtroom with her. She 
said, 'No, he's my ride home.'

Chicago --30-year-old Emad Haddad was shot and killed Friday
afternoon after chasing two men who'd robbed his store-Sunburst
Food and Liquors-on Chi-Town's bright and glamorous 79th Street.

According to cops, two gents toting semi-auto pistols robbed the
store's registers. Witnesses say Emad The Genius (as he will be
remembered) ran after the men with a two-shot derringer and took
a shot at 'em. They returned the favor with a hail of bullets.
Haddad was struck in the head and died on the spot. 

Went to lunch with a friend today to a new chicken place.
We asked how they prepare their chickens.
The answer was, "We just tell them they're going to die."