The bustard's a fortuitous fowl, 
               Who has but small reason to growl. 
                    He avoids illigitemacy 
                    By the simple expediency 
               Of the use of an alternate vowel. 

There was a young lady of Totten
Whose tastes grew perverted and rotten.
She cared not for steaks,
Or for pastry or cakes,
But lived upon penis *au gratin*.

There was a young lady of fashion 
            Who had oodles and oodles of passion. 
                To her lover she said, 
                As they climbed into bed, 
            "Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"

There was an old sheik named Al Hassid 
Whose tool had become very placid. 
Before each injection 
To get an erection 
He had to immerse it in acid. 

The nephew of one of the czars 
Used to suck off Rasputin at Yars,
Till the peasants revolted,
The royal family bolted - 
Now they're under the sickle and stars.