Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!
Girl: Why thank you!
Boy: Of course, if I was on you...I would becoming too!

Two hookers were on a street corner.  They started discussing business,
and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in
the air."

The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."

This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help 
me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks. "Well, twice a day I 
have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a 
day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor. "Yes, but
thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day," 
says the man. "Well, that's definitely to much", says the doctor.
"You've got to learn to take yourself in hand." "I do", says the man. 
"Twice a day." 

Chain Letter Type III

Hi there!!  This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass
this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will
happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
received this letter and ignored it.  She then tripped in a crack in the
side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
poop, and went flying out over a waterfall.  Not only did she smell nasty,
she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it
.  Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some
people swing that way, especially at Oklahoma City University).  They both
died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both
cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.  This Could Happen To
You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did.  Just send this letter
to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

Of course, there's the guy in Peoria Illinois who DID forward this on and
then he married his secret crush, they moved to the suburbs, had 2.3
children and lived happily ever after.

Right up until he started working late every night, started an affair with
his secretary and boozing.  Then she started sleeping with the golf pro at
the local country club, became addicted to sleeping pills and their 2.3
children got into gangs and drugs. Then everything went to hell, and they
got divorced.  She got the house and the kids, and he got the car and child
support payment, and got to keep the mortgage payment, lost his job and his
car and now is working the midnight shift at the local McDonald's.

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves 
at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told 
that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the 
family's Christmas tree. He is allowed entry to Heaven.
The second man offers a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were 
opened earlier that evening. He too is allowed entry to Heaven.
The third man reaches into his pocket and produces a pair of panties.
Confused at the man's gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do panties represent 
Christmas?"
The man replies, "Oh, they're Carol's."