What did the priest say to the nun when he screwed her?

"The holy pole is in your hole so wet your ass and save your soul."

There was a young Scotsman called Andy,
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt,
To wipe up what he spilt,
And the barmaid said, "Blimey! That's handy!" 

A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,"Got
any fresh fruit?"
"No."
"Got any fresh vegetables?"
"No. We have only canned and dry goods."

The next day, the duck returns.
"Got any fresh fruit?"
"No."
"Got any fresh vegetables?"
"No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry 
goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same 
question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."

On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks,"Got any nails?"
"No."
"Got any fresh fruit?"

I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my 
secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an 
agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.

She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four 
hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. 

She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 
a week."

Bumper sticker seen in Cambridge, Mass: "Re-elect President Gore in
   2000"