Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady
of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of
agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!"

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm
down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun
began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I
heard some of the older boys wagering money!"

"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. 

"But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun,
"it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a
contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"

"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"

"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."

"How much did you win?" 

Barbie and G.I. Joe                                                               

    A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her
    turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What
    would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

    The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe."
    Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
    "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

    "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe,
    she fakes it with Ken."

Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and
by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got
him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest
hospital.

"Well, Doc," he inquired anxiously, "is he going to make it?" 

"It's tough," said the doctor. "He'd have a better chance if you
hadn't gutted him first."

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her.

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening and read's: Dear Wife (that's what
he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the
hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54
and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year
old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore 
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!!!!