A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a 
rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and 
said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

A Frosted Flake. 

A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail 
with hard on. The Cowboy asks "what are you doing?" Indian says" Me tellum 
time." Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the 
same. Says "You telling time?" yup" "how can you tell time like that?" 
Indian says "workum like sundial, readum shadow". Cowboy, incredulous, 
rides on. Encounters Indian in trail masturbating. Cowboy says "let me 
guess, you're telling time too." Indian says " Nope. But me windum clock!" 

As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive 
called his newly hired red-headed assistant into his office. "Do you
know what time we quit around here ?" he asked.
"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody 
knocks on the door."

   My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife
   hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in
   fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that.
   
   She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but
   to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."