PORTLAND, OR - A man was admitted to an emergency clinic with severe
bruising and lacerations on his penis and testicles, caused in an accident
involving a hand held vacuum cleaner. The man had been vacuuming, wearing
only a bathrobe, when he tripped, having been distracted because his robe
fell open. "It always does that," he said. "I keep meaning to rig up some
kind of tie for it, but I never do. I guess I'll get around to it now." He
fell on the vacuum and the small beater bar of the device caused enough
damage to require fifteen stitches and an overnight stay at the clinic.

In an upcoming Playboy interview, Geraldo Rivera calls Barbara 
Walters "a very sexy babe" who is "profoundly sensual, very 
female being with a great body." He also says, "I'm no homo, 
but I'm not ashamed to say that I'd do Hugh Downs in a 
heartbeat." 

I had to go through a needle location biopsy recently.
This involves putting a 6 inch needle through a most sensitive
part of a woman's anatomy.  I had to sit there alone with
this thing pierced through my anatomy and I wondered, "Is
this how a whale feels?"  It occured to me, "I'm big, I'm 
white, I'm gay, and I have been harpooned!  That must make
me Moby Dyke!" My friends now call me "MD".