Taking a medical history is an experience: The MD, taking a 
sex-behavior history asked: "How many orgasms did you have 
last week?"  The answer: "Counting masturbatory ones and 
wet dreams?"

Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He 
decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General 
Motors. The comparison went like this: If automotive technology
had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you 
would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top 
speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or you could have an economy car that 
weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either 
case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. In response to 
all this goading, GM responds: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a 
car that crashes twice a day?

A true story....

There was an elderly lady who lived out of town.
Once every year she would go visit her daughter
in Salem. Now, her doctor was in Salem, and every
year when she visited her daughter she would have
her annual appontment with her doctor. It was around
October when she came to visit. She schedualed her
apointment, and the morning of, she took a shower
and got ready to go. She yelled out the bathroom door
"Honey, can I use some of your FDS spray before we go?"
"sure mom" the daughter answers. The daughter took her
mom to the doctor and waited in the car until the
appoitment was over. About an hour later her mom walks
out with a horrified look on her face. She sits in the
car and doesn't say a word. The daughter at this point
was very upset and confused about her mothers silence
and asks what was wrong. The mother, in a shy voice says
" well, when I was on the table, the doctor was ready to
begin, and he looked up at me and said I looked very
'spiffy' today. I don't understand what he ment."The
daughter was very upset hearing this, knowing that it is
very unprofessional. She told her mother she would call
the doctor in the morning to find out why he said that.
When they got home the daughter was cleaning the bathroom
and noticed something odd. Her FDS spray was tuked back
into the cupboard, and their was a can of Halloween hair
glitter on the counter. She called out  " mom, did you find
the FDS spray this morning?" "yes honey, it was sitting on
the counter next to the sink. I put it back when I used it."
Then she laughed uncontrollably knowing her mother didn't
have her glasses on when she got out of the shower, and used
the wrong can! Needless to say, She made herself very 'spiffy'
for the doctor and didn't realize it.

Sent by Shelly