An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new 
Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the 
technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her 
response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." 
The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Listen about that guy who was pulled over for running a
stop sign.  When the cop checked the man's driver's license,
he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not 
now.  I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that."  The guy 
said, "Officer, I have *contacts*."  The cop said, "Look, buddy, 
I don't care *who* you know -- I'm giving you a ticket."

The White House says President Clinton will make a speech on
campaign finance reform today in California. Says Argus Hamilton,
"The exact time hasn't been announced. Aides are still trying to
fit it in between fund-raisers."