"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York 
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
cold enough. Let's go west.'"

                                            - Richard Jeni

"Command: crash_now

 Syntax: tellnews crash_now

 Description: very dodgy command used to simulate the behaviour of other
 companies news servers."
                        -- DNEWS Manual v3.0

"I went to a job interview the other day, the guy asked
if I had any questions. I said yes, just one, if you're
in a car traveling at the speed of light and you turn
your headlights on, does anything happen? He said he
couldn't answer that. I told him sorry, but I couldn't
work for him then."

 - Steven Wright

Mother Nature is a bitch.

Bradley's Bromide:
   If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
   committee -- that will do them in.