Mistress - Somewhere between a mister and a mattress

* Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three
       sides."

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.
       Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone.
       "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."
   Thegirl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
         Jay Leno

When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland,
what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!