There once was a lady from Worcester,
Who thought a man had seduced her.
She woke up and screamed,
It was only a dream,
It was the bump on the matress that goosed her.

Sent by Joey D.

A renowned archaeologist Vern,
Who unearthed an Egyptian clay urn,
Found himself devastated
When the markings, translated,
Clearly read, "No Refill/No Return." 

There was a young girl named Dalrymple 
               Whose sexual needs were so simple. 
                    She enjoyed the full spasm 
                    Of a perfect orgasm 
               By frigging herself on a pimple. 

There was an old spinster of Tyre
Who bellowed, "MY CUNT IS ON FIRE!"
So a fireman was found,
Brought his engine around
And extinguished her burning desire

"Remind me, dear," said Sir John Keith, 
            "As soon as I've finished my teeth, 
                To take down this glass 
                And examine my ass 
            From behind---and of course from beneath."