These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one 
lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push 
over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous 
direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse 
over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round 
and returned home an hour later from a completely different 
direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.
Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in 
hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this 
afternoon?"
The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. 
Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."
At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys 
severely and sent them to bed without supper.
In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the brekfast 
table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their 
father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"
"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned 
that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd 
chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he 
told the truth."
"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the 
cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!" 

Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and 
slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed 
their old friendship.
"Let's have a drink like we did in the old days," the first Scot
winked at his mate.
"Aye," his mate replied. "And don't forget it's your shout."

Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a
condom about to give his wife some. 
Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says,
"Whatcha doin' Daddy?" 
Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the
floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says. 
Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?" 

What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching like hell to get out of that box. 

Changing of the English Language



Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving
efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through and
thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to
iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be
made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it kould be
announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always been a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the
skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th'
by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh
is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be
dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and
evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt
vud finali hav kum tru.