At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here 
has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. "And how many of you have 
had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up.
"OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three 
hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd. "Gosh, that's pretty 
good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand 
stays up. The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've 
actually had sexual contact with a ghost?" The guy with his hand up 
suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said "goat'." 

A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his 
testicles are.  "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he 
tells her, by way of poetic concealment.

She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything 
about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

What's the difference between mayonaise and sperm?
Mayonaise doesn't hit the back of a girls throat at 40 mph.

The company president called the chief security guard into his office. 
"Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are 
making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't
belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop." Chuck looked down at 
his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't' do it again." The company 
president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's 
face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was 
complaining!!!!"

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.