The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the
   night.
   
   "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young
   mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive."
   
   The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door,
   the phone rang again.
   
   "You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of
   relief. "My husband just found another one."
   

Whats the definition of a perfect woman ?
          a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head 
so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
          b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
          c) The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turn into a 
roastbeef sandwich and a sixpack.

Glossary Terms
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology

NEW: Different colors from previous version.

ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.

UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.

ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.

NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.

BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.

DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.

UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.

UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.
The Dumpty Dictionary, Version 2.0

Q:  Whats the difference between Monica and a Soda machine?

A:  They both have, "incert Bill"!

A guy walks into a store and says to the managaer "why doesn't your store 
have a name", the store manager says "I haven't thought of one yet but I 
think u can help me, what's your girlfriend's name." The guy says "Jenny" 
then the store owner says "What's do you like most about Jenny" and the guy
says "her legs." So the store manager says "ok that's what we'll call my 
store Jenny's Legs. Here's a coupon come back tomorrow morning and you can 
have a free drink." And the man says "ok."
The next day the man comes back to the store banging on the window yelling 
" where's my free drink, where's my free drink!" Then a police officer comes
up to him and says "What are you doing?" and the guy says "I'm waiting for 
Jenny's Legs to open up."