Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says,
"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!"
"Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you
look less attractive."
"I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes
makes you look larger than you really are."
"I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart
on his dick!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

The Barber Shop

   This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before
   I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says,
   "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
   A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
   "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at shop
   full of customers and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
   A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How
   long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and
   says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.
   The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill,
   follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes
   back into the shop laughing hysterically.
   The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
   Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

Q: Why was the snowman smiling?
A: He heard the snowblower coming!

This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would
spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house,
he was told that the only way he could play today was if he
was willing to play along with three nuns. 
He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. At the first hole
he said, after you, and the nuns insisted that he go first. 
He took a giant swing and sliced it into a nearby bunker.
"Goddammit!" he said.
"Oh, my, please refrain from using that kind of language
around us." said the nun. 
"I'm so sorry, ma'am, it won't happen again." 
The nun gets up to the tee and her ball travels about twenty
yards, hits a tree, and bounces back behind them. 
"Well shit, Goddamn, hell, fuck!" exclaims the nun. 
"Hey, what did you tell me about that?" asks the man. 
"Yeah, well, you didn't hit a fuckin' tree." 

Age       FAVORITE SPORT

        17         shopping
        25         shopping
        35         shopping
        48         shopping
        66         shopping