Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this 
temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job 
on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the 
office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, 
I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."

Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???" 

    How Smart Are You?
   ------------------
   20 Correct - Genius
   17 Correct - Above Normal
   15 Correct - Normal
   8 Correct - Nincompoop
   6 Correct - Moron
   3 Correct - Idiot
   QUESTIONS
   1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
   2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
   3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
   4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister,
   but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?
   5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
   6. How many outs are there in an inning?
   7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
   Why?
   8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number
   of games. There are no ties. Explain this.
   9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
   10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern
   exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why?
   11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
   12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What
   are the coins?
   13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there
   was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which
   one would you light first?
   14. How far can a dog run into the woods?
   15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half
   hour. How long would the pills last?
   16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
   17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
   18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
   19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
   20. What was the President's name in 1950?
   ****************** Answers ****************
   1. Yes
   2. One
   3. All of them (12)
   4. The beggar is her sister.
   5. He can't be buried if he isn't dead.
   6. 6
   7. No - because he is dead.
   8. They aren't playing each other.
   9. 70
   10. White. The house is at the North Pole so it is a polar bear.
   11. 2
   12. 50 cent piece and a nickel. (The other one is a nickel)
   13. The match.
   14. Half way. Then he is running out of the woods.
   15. 1 Hour
   16. 9
   17. None - Noah took them on the ark.
   18. Meat
   19. 12
   20. Same as it is now.

Did you know that the night Santa first met his future
wife he uttered the now famous words: 

     "Yes, that is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to meet you." 

The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different
limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

A young girl is speaking with her father.
"Daddy, what's that between your legs?"
"That's my hedgehog."
"Wow, it's got a massive cock."