A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India.
One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
"Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted."Give this man 30 days
compassionate home leave."
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
"Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days
compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this
man two compassionate home leaves?"
"Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies.
"Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."

At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students human
reproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: "Female humans are born
with a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, produce
millions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced?" One
young woman's answer: "Because they won't ask for directions either."

Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were 
planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being 
an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from 
some of the surrounding colleges to attend.

The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that 
arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most 
trustworthy students.

The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to 
send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"

   A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend.
   The girlfriend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when you're making
   love ?"
   
   She thought about it a minute then said, "Well, no. But I could. I
   mean he has a cell phone and all now."

There's a fire at the whorehouse

-- some come out running and others run out coming!