Read this in a classified ad: 

     "Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts."

I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher
commented that the next day would be the shortest day
of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited,
cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the
amount of daylight changes,not the actual amount of
time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"