The president turned back to his own role in history.
He told the audience that he saw a list of the top 100 news
stories of the century compiled by the Newseum, a journalism-
oriented museum ... across the Potomac in Virginia, and noticed
that "something about the events of the past year" [was] on it.

Clinton, smiling, revealed his number on the list: No. 53.

"No. 53! I mean, what does a guy have to do to make the top 50?
I came in six places after the invention of plastic, for crying
outloud. And I don't recall a year of 24-hour-a-day saturation
on the miracle of plastic."

               --Associated Press Report
                  on 85th White House Correspondents
                   Association Dinner
                    2 May 1999

[Times of London]
A thief who sneaked into a hospital was scarred for life when he tried to
get a suntan. After evading security staff at Odstock Hospital in
Salisbury, Wiltshire, and helping himself to doctors' paging devices, the
thief spotted a vertical sunbed. He walked into the unit and removed his
clothes for a 45-minute tan.  However, the high-voltage UV machine at the
hospital, which is renowned for its treatment of burns victims, has a
maximum dosage of ten seconds.  After lying on the bed for almost 300
times the recommended maximum time the man was covered in blisters. Hours
later, when the pain of the burns became unbearable, he went to Southampton
General Hospital, 20 miles away, in Hampshire. Staff became suspicious
because he was wearing a doctor's coat. After tending his wounds they called
the police. Southampton police said: "This man broke
into Odstock and decided he fancied a quick suntan. Doctors say he is
going to be scarred for life."

                             $250 Cookie Recipe
     
   
This message is sent to you with the hope you will forward it to EVERYONE
you have ever even seen the e-mail address of.   In the spirit of the
originator, please feel free to post it anywhere and everywhere.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

     Okay, everyone... a true story of justice in the good old U.S. of A.
Thought y'all might enjoy this; if nothing else, it shows internet
justice, if it can be called that.

     My daughter & I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe in
Dallas & decided to have a small dessert.   Because our family are such
cookie lovers, we decided to try the "Neiman-Marcus Cookie".   It was so
excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe and they said with a
small frown, "I'm afraid not."   Well, I said, would you let me buy the
recipe?  With a cute smile, she said, "Yes."   I asked how much, and she
responded, "Two fifty."  I said with approval, just add it to my tab.
Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Neiman-Marcus and it
was $285.00.  I looked again and I remembered I had only spent $9.95 for
two salads and about $20.00 for a scarf.  As I glanced at the bottom of the
statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe - $250.00."   Boy, was I upset!!   I
called Neiman's Accounting Dept. and told them the waitress said it was
"two fifty," and I did not realize she meant $250.00 for a cookie recipe.
I asked them to take back the recipe and reduce my bill, and they said
they were sorry, but because all the recipes were this expensive so not
just everyone could duplicate any of our bakery recipes....the bill would
stand.

     I waited, thinking of how I could get even or even try and get any of
my money back.

     I just said, "Okay, you folks got my $250.00 and now I'm going to have
250.00 worth of fun."  I told her that I was going to see to it that every
cookie lover will have a $250.00 cookie recipe from Neiman-Marcus for
nothing.  She replied, "I wish you wouldn't do this."  I said, "I'm sorry
but this is the only way I feel I could get even," and I will.

     So, here it is, and please pass it to someone else or run a few
copies....I paid for it; now you can have it for free.

                         (Recipe may be halved.):
           2  cups butter                     4  cups flower
           2  tsp. soda                        2  cups sugar
           5  cups blended oatmeal**         24 oz. chocolate chips
           2  cups brown sugar                1  tsp. salt
           1  8 oz. Hershey Bar (grated)      4  eggs
           2  tsp. baking powder          3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
           2  tsp. vanilla

             ** measure oatmeal and blend in a blender to a fine powder.
              Cream the butter and both sugars.  Add eggs and vanilla;
              mix together with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and
              soda.  Add chocolate chips, Hershey Bar and nuts.  Roll into
              balls and place two inches apart on a cookie sheet.  Bake
              for 10 minutes at 375 degrees.  Makes 112 cookies.

             Have fun!!!  This is not a joke --- this is a true story.