And now, news from the Royal wedding...

On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded
by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to
get any shoes.
Panic!
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes
from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day.
Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the
festivities were over Sophie's feet were agony.  When she and
Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think  of
was getting her shoes off.
The rest of the Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and
they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises
and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward
say "God that was tight"
"There," whispered the Queen. "I told you she was a virgin."
Then to their surprise, they heard Edward say. "Right. Now for
the other one."
Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said,
"My God.  That was even tighter"
That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."

Actual Police Accounts
The woman in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for 
speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked 
up to her window and opened his ticket book she said: "I bet you're going 
to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "No, 
highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what 
he'd said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. 
She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.

My brother snores soo loud.  Recently we went out west for 
vacation, and he didn't snore at all...except the first night we 
were there.  It got to be so bad that I took my pillow, sheet, and 
blanket and went into the bathroom to sleep.  I put my stuff in 
the bathtub, shut the door, and fell asleep in the tub.  Me, being 
the sound sleeper that I am, didn't hear the door open when my 
brother had to use the toilet.  Seeing me fast asleep in the 
bathtub, he turned the water on.  I slept right through the whole 
thing until morning, when my sheet and blanket were soaked by 
lukewarm water.  I thought I wet the bed until my brother 
confessed a few days later.