Before I left army basic training in Louisiana, for my
next duty station in Texas, my drill sergeant asked me:
"Son, you know how to find Texas?"
I said "I'm not sure, drill sergeant."
"Well" he says, "you go west till you smell shit."
"Thats Oklahoma"
"Then you turn south 'til you step in it."
"That's Texas."

Karen was telling me that her to-be-ex, a police officer, asked
the judge to please remind her to re-register a gun he'd given
her in her name.  "You see, your honor, to buy it, I had to 
register it in my name."  The judge said, "Why's this so impor-
tant?"  "Because, Your Honor, I don't want to be shot with 'my 
own gun'."  The judge had to hold a piece of paper in front of his 
face to hide his laughter.

I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still
existed in 1999.

A dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that
actually said "General Store", and that was it.

There was a little old man sitting in front of the
store in a rocking chair. I said to him, "What do
you folks do around here?"

He said, "We don't do nothin' but hunt n' fuck."

I said, "What do you hunt?"

He said, "Somethin' to fuck."