On a job board: 

    "Man, honest, will take anything." 

Once in a diner, I wanted a Ham &  Tomato toasted
sandwich.  After about 10 minutes the waitress came back
and apologized.  "We don't have Ham and Tomato toasted
sandwiches but you can have the  'Special'."  I asked
what was in the Special.  "Ham, Tomato, Cheese . . . "

Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry
when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting
to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office
was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and
said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening,
you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."
"I don't think I'll be there," the boy said.
"You don't even know where your way to the post office."