In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her 
vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the diaphragm 
that her doctor had recently given her. 
"I followed all the instructions to the letter," she told her doctor, 
"and used it with the jelly." 
When asked which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Grape." 

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the
vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing
generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked
the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in
the back to make a sandwich.

Happened in Kentucky --

Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM by running a chain
from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the
bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove
home--.  with the chain still attached to the machine-- with
their bumper still attached to the chain-- with their vehicle's
license plate still attached to the bumper.