Sign in a hotel in Athens: 

Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. 

he First Message From an Alien 
Civilization... 

Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system 
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your 
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other 
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will 
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy 
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

[Unknown, 25 March 1993]
A Vapid Death: A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being
blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no
mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his
system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a
couple other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It
appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous
cloud that was hanging over his bed.  Had he been outside or had his
windows opened it wouldn't have been fatal but the man was shut up in his
near airtight bedroom. He was ``...a big man with a huge capacity for
creating [this deadly gas].'' Three of the rescue workers got sick and
one was hospitalized.