"My invention can detect human stupidity. It has a very simple interface.
 All I do is point it at people."
"Then what does it do?"
"Why would it need to do anything else?"
                        -- Dogbert, Dilbert, Dogbert

"All true wisdom is found on T-shirts."

-- Anon. (Bomb Threat anyone? =))

What is a highbrow?  He is a man who has found something more
interesting than women.
        --attrib. Edgar Wallace and others

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to
       calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the
       doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you
       know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife
       stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After
       that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

"Yep, [My 21st is] only 3 years away, but I'm not going to have a party."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm going to be dead by then."
                        -- Kathleen, Braden Smith, Kathleen