A team playing baseball in Dallas 
               Called the umpire a shit out of malice. 
                    While this worthy had fits 
                    The team made eight hits 
               And a girl in the bleachers named Alice. 

There was an old girl of Kilkenny
Whose usual charge was a penny.
For half of that sum
You could finger her bum;
A source of amusement to many. 

               There was a young lady of Andover, 
               And the boys used to ask her to hand over 
                    Her sexual favor, 
                    Which she did (may God save her!) 
               For her morals she had no command over. 

                    "My body, by my own admission,"
                            
                    I told him, "is in top condition."
                            I said with a snigger,
                            "I worship my figure."
                            
                    Then he tried to embrace my religion.
                                              

An efficient young fellow named Dave
Said, "Think of the time that I save
By avoiding vacations,
And sexy relations,
And taking a crap while I shave."