The Very Very Untitled Poem

 To you I write this poem of nonsense
 My back is aching, my shoulders, tense
 My R.S.I. is D.O.A.
 Q.E.D. I.Q. O.K.
 My temper frayed, about to snap
 I am the king of talking crap
 I try to do the best I can
I`m worse than David Letterman!

 I watch TV to ease the friction
 Of this internet addiction
 But to my dismay, I find
 I cannot leave the net behind
 The world wide web calls to me
 Like a mermaid siren in the cyber-sea.
 
 Like watching "Twin Peaks", I`ve lost 
the plot
 I`ve been writing for weeks and this 
is all I got.
 With liquid refreshment as my 
inspiration
 Just cider that`s been through 
refrigeration
 Talkin` `bout my generation.

 Pen to paper. Fingers on the keyboard.
 Makes no difference. I`m still bored.
 Light goes on if you pull the cord
 Which payment plan can I afford?

 Eat ice cream with some toffee fudge
 "Robot" is the Czech word for "drudge".
 I, robot. I scream!

 Never mind. It doesn`t matter
 I eat and drink and just get fatter
 Excuse my ramblings. Now, I`ll cease.
 And leave you lot in peace ;~)

 © 1999 Peter Hughes


Sent by Pete Hughes

There was a young man named O'Malley 
            Who was fucking his gal in the alley, 
                When right at the start 
                Whe let a small fart, 
            Said O'Malley to Sally, "Now r'ally!" 

The wife of young Richard of Limerick 
               Complained to her hesband, "My quim, Rick, 
                    Still grows in diameter 
                    Each time that you ram at her; 
               How can your poor tool stay so slim, Rick?" 

There once was a monk from Siberia
Whose manners were rather inferior
He did to a nun
What he shouldn't have done
And now she's a Mother Superior

My face in the mirror
                isn't wrinkled or drawn;
        My house isn't dirty,
                the cobwebs are gone.
        My garden looks lovely,
                and so does my lawn;
        I think I might never
                put my glasses back on!