How can ya tell when a woman has fucked too much?
Ya put yer thumb in her ass, AND yer middle-finger in her cunt...
Now, if ya can SNAP yer fingers, ya know she's been fucking too much..

Why did the woman with P.M.S. cross the road? 

     She just did, alright!! 

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep.....

"Mate", the aussie said, "Over there we shear them".
The kiwi replied, "Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone"

A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his 
father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out
a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard
a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's 
feet.
"What's this," she asked.
"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!" 

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to
a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared
for. The next  morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a
tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window
overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after
a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and
straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she
starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and
once more bring her back upright.  This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting
to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it  here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart"