When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...


In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no 
passion.. 
So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. 


In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. 
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I 
needed a girl with some stability.. 
 
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited 
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.. 


I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed 
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was
directionless. 
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.. 
 
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so 
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.. 


Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..

   A florist received an outraged telephone call from a man who
   had moved his restaurant to a new spot in town. The restaurant 
   owner had been sent a funeral wreath along with a card that read:
   SINCEREST SYMPATHIES.
   The florist realized that he must have mixed up two orders and
   shuddered to think of the flowers that should have gone to the 
   restaurant man.He had sent to the funeral a clover design of 
   red roses across which was a bright green ribbon bearing the 
   inscription: BEST OF LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION.

This joke sucks....

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.  The wife turns over and
says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I
want to stay fresh."  The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.  
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.  This time
he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

What's the best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity

The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman
just passing and said, "Pardon me, miss, do you happen to have the time?"

In a strident voice she responded, "How dare you make such a proposition to
me?"

The man snapped to attention in surprise and was uncomfortable aware that
every pair of eyes in the place had turned in their direction. He mumbled,
"I just asked the time, miss."

In a voice even louder, the woman shrieked, "I will call the police if you
say another word!"

Grabbing his drink, and embarrassed very nearly to death, the man hastened
to the far end of the room and huddled at a table, holding his breath and
wondering how soon he could sneak out the door.

Not more than half a minute had passed when the woman joined him. In a
quiet voice, she said, "I am terribly sorry, sir, to have embarrassed you,
but I am a psychology student at the university and I am writing a thesis
on the reaction of human beings to sudden shocking statements."

The man stared at her for three seconds, then he leaned back and bellowed,
"You'll do all that for me all night for just ten dollars?"