The young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there
came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away
at once, eyes wide with alarm.
"Heavens," she cried, "it's my husband! Quick, jump out the window."
The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window,
then demurred. "I can't," he said, "we're on the thirteenth floor."
"For heaven's sake," cried the young lady in exasperation,
"is this a time to be superstitious?" 

   A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The
   marine finishes first and
   washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine
   says to him: hey, in the
   marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The
   sailor says: yeah well, in
   the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.
   

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the
obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After
the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50
cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."

Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there
is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again,
counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'." 

Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?

Because they can. 

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded 
to investigations into the basketball team by suspending any 
basketball player who wasn't maintaining a passing average. 
Furious, the coach came storming into the dean's office, 
followed by one of his star players.

"You can't keep him from playing!" the coach roared. "We won't 
win this weekend without him!"

"I don't care," the dean said. "Things have gotten out of hand at 
this college."

"What do you mean, out of hand?" the coach demanded.

"I'll show you what I mean," the dean said. He turned to the 
basketball player and said, "Tell me,how much is six times 
seven?"

The player thought for several seconds. Then he said, "Thirty- 
one?"

The dean turned to the coach and said, "I rest my case."

"Oh, come on now," the coach said. "Why are you making 
such a big deal of it? After all, he only missed it by one."