A lawyer from New York was transfered to a small frontier town during
   the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that
   the town was populated solely by men.
   
   He asked one of the local cowboys, "What do you do when you get the
   urge for a woman?"
   
   The cowboy replied, "See them thar'sheep up on thet hill. We just go
   git us one."
   
   "That is disgusting and barbaric!!" replied the lawyer.
   
   After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He
   decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these
   yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the
   bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china
   plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed.
   
   After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a
   drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm.
   The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys
   turned, and stared in shocked disbelief.
   
   The lawyer said, "You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I'm
   some sort of freak for doing what you've been doing all along. I'm
   just doing it with more class."
   
   "That ain't the problem," replied one cowboy. "That's the sheriff's
   gal you're with."
   

Here's a sad one...

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? 

A: A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole. 

The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a
policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run
me over!" the shaken man told the cop.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could
you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
"I recognized the laugh!" he replied.

Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a 
woman with whom he may "commiserate". After a wild night of getting it on, 
it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and 
Mike are having a conversation. 

She says, "Lotsa guys want to know how it was. Well, I have good news and 
bad news for you. Which would you like first?" 

Mike thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell, give me the good news." 

She tells him, "The good news is that you're bigger than Magic Johnson."

What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?

Coincidence on 34th Street.