John: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.

Mary: Are you wearing it now?

John: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, though. But it's top 
of the line.

Mary: What kind is it?

John: Twelve-thirty.

   Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on
   a manual rotisserie.
   A drunk comes walking along and says, "Hey, man...the music stopped,
   and your
   monkey's on fire."
   

Why is a man at his smartest when he is having sex? 

     Because he's plugged into a woman! 

Q: What do you get when you cross a matzo ball with LSD?

A: A trip to Israel.

A blond at a party was telling her friend that
she was off men for life. "They lie, they cheat
and they're just no good. From now on when I want
sex, I'm going to use my vibrator"

"So, what when the batteries run out?" asked her friend

"I'll just fake an orgasm like always."