How do you catch a polar bear?

Answer:  First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice.
         Next, you place enough peas around the hole to
         completely surround the hole.  Then, when the
         polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in
         the icehole.

Sent by Ediie

A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their 
deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let 
somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer 
from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own 
blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind 
nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's 
hollering, "Awright, lady, awright--you can have the goddamn deer! Just 
lemme get my saddle off it!"

   While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn't enjoy it.
   Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly
   unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then
   quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: "What happened, did I hurt you ?"
   
   "Why no, not at all," said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask
   that ?"
   
   "Well, no reason actually," the bored husband replied with a sigh,
   "It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actully moved."

Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come 
home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. 

The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: " 
OOOOOhhh that looks like semen." She reaches out and 
touches the blob with her fingers and says "It feels like 
semen."

The redhead reaches out and touches it with her fingers, 
smells it, and says "It smells like semen." 

The blonde,  reaches out and touches it with her fingers 
and then puts her fingers in her mouth and tastes it and says, 
"It doesn't taste like anyone in this building . . ."

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of
goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't
ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call,
"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."